If it were not for the aesthetic stream of the orthodontic sciences I would fall much higher on society’s hierarchy of beauty. A set of naturally straight teeth (well, mostly straight) is one of the very few advantages I have in the arena of attractiveness. Or, it would have been if metal, porcelain and pliers could not now be used to fashion a pretty smile out of even the most poorly arranged mouths. What a cheat! Continue reading
After you turn 30 hangovers are truly brutal. Today’s was made up of all kinds of the cruelest symptoms: shakiness, insomnia, shame induced cringing, a sort of energetic kind of guilt and the taste of how I imagine the floor of a seedy bar to taste in my mouth.
My face is an ashtray.
Any home baker worth their organic sea salt lives in terror that they may find themselves in circumstances in which they will be called upon to wear a bathing suit. Baking wisdom, while enriching your life , also tends to leave your problem areas a little more problematic than they were in your ignorance. You see, the first step in learning to bake is to eat your way to expertise. Your ultimate aim, no doubt, is to produce pleasure and delight in yourself and others. This requires careful and rigorous research. You must commit yourself to a strict schedule of introducing a constant stream of fine baked goods into your diet.
This is not just a“diet”- its a lifestyle change, a lifelong commitment. Even the most accomplished home baker must keep their skills sharp by regularly sitting down to eat something whose chief constituents are sugar and butter.
Some might find this lifestyle more challenging than others. You will have to find a way to silence any vanity you have about your appearance. The best way to do this, I find, is to always take fine baked goods along with you to places where you might experience scrutiny. Only the truly worst and shallow sort of person will be looking at the size of your thighs when they could be marvelling at the summer fruit tart or three tier chocolate mousse cake that you have in your company. Afterall nothing can be quite as flattering, to the fuller figure, than the accessory of a giant cheese-cake ready to be shared .
Stay tuned for Parts 2 and 3 (obey and love) to follow as quickly as my fingers can type them (and after I have furthered my education with the candied orange scone I have waiting for me in my study). Here is a snippet of whats to come:
“An afternoon’s baking and a session in the gym should end similarly: with a rosey flush to the face and the urgent need of a shower.”
Disclaimer: I am probably poorly qualified to tell you how to learn to bake. My only credentials are the few unwanted kilograms I carry around my waist and the fact that my hair is always matted together with icing. This is how I learned to bake. It might work for you it might just make you fat and scruffy-looking.